When I am aroused, sucking cock is the first thing I want to do.  In fact, if I am NOT aroused, it is also what I do to GET aroused. But last night, he would not let me do it. He even told me that while he enjoys me sucking his cock, and wants it, that I am a filthy little whore who NEEDS to suck cock.

He made me play with him, just using my hands. I had to watch the pre-cum spill out of the head of his cock and NOT reach down and lick it. When I tried to do so, he just laughed and pulled my hair back.

If I was not going to get to suck his cock, then at least I was going to get fucked hard. So again, I tried to get into my favorite position, on my hands and knees. And once again, he stopped me.

No, he said. I want to look at you. I want to watch you close your eyes when it feels so fucking good you can’t stand it. I want to watch your mouth when you start to make little sounds.

And fuck me he did, although slowly, very very slowly. He made sure that I felt every single inch of his cock, from the second it slipped in my soaked pussy, to when it hit my cervix and made me gasp in a that weird combination of pain and pleasure. After several thrusts, his cock and balls were completely drenched with pussy juice. Then he tilted me in such a way that with every stroke of his cock, his balls slapped my asshole. He knew that it drove me crazy.

After a while,  I could not take it any more, and begged him to let me get on my hands and knees. He made me say please and then he sat back. I flipped over, spread my legs, and backed into his cock hard over and over again, fucking HIM with my pussy instead of waiting on his cock to fuck me. Finally, he grabbed my hips so hard I was afraid I would bruise, and I knew that he had reached that place I love to see in men, that place when Rapture itself could not stop them from fucking you.

He removed one hand from my hips, and grasped a large chunk of my hair. He pulled my head back hard and began slamming into my pussy with such force that it made a wet slurping noise when he pulled out. I relaxed my body and became just a hole for him to fuck.

In our ten years of marriage, and fifteen years of being together, my husband and I have had a good sex life.  But this past year, when I finally admitted what I wanted, what I NEEDED, and we realized that he needed it to, things changed. I am a very outspoken, loud, assertive, and sometimes obnoxious person, and he loves me for/despite that. However, he also knows that I have a need to escape that and just disappear into another person’s desires.

Sex is fun, and sex with someone I do not care about can still feel incredibly good. But the release I get from being fucked into oblivion by a man who can also play gently with my hair is not just something that I want, but also something that I need.

I think we all do.

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This post, Want vs. Need, originally appeared on Minivan Libertine on 12/04/2009. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email minivanlibertine at gmail dot com and let me know.
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