I did not always have a love affair with semen. In college, my roommates knew that the one way to make me nauseous was to say “bucket of semen.” For some reason, this visual would make me instantly weak in the knees, but in [...]]]> A surprisingly effective remedy for a sore vagina? Semen! In liberal doses.

I did not always have a love affair with semen. In college, my roommates knew that the one way to make me nauseous was to say “bucket of semen.” For some reason, this visual would make me instantly weak in the knees, but in a disgusted way.

Or was that a foreshadowing of things to “come?” Maybe, much like a closeted gay man who screams his heterosexuality loudly for all to hear, I protested against the idea of semen because of desires I had not yet learned to deal with.

When I first started giving blowjobs, I just swallowed because it seemed rude not to. A friend told me to do it at the moment of ejaculation, and then you would not taste it. She said to make sure that I did not leave it in my mouth for very long, because of the taste.

And now? Now I have become somewhat of a come hungry bitch. (And no, I will not spell it cum, no matter how Henry Miller spelled it.)I find myself looking at men, wondering not only what their come tastes like, but if they are man enough to kiss me when my mouth is full of their come.

Yesterday, I had come on my tits. It was was then rubbed into my chest, and a come covered hand shared between each of our greedy mouths. Later that day, I had come scooped out of my pussy, and force fed to me. Come is the best lubricant I have found for fisting, and I wonder if it would work as well for anal sex?

Perhaps the first man would jack of on my asshole, and then use his finger to spread it around my anus and lubricate the inside. The second man would slowly fuck my ass, and pull my hips back to shoot as deep into me as he could. Beyond that, would it really matter how many men fucked me, so long as they kept coming?

What does it say about me that I get so goddamned wet at the idea of a man fucking my come filled ass, pulling out and shoving his hard cock into my mouth, while another man takes his place and fills my ass again?

The phrase “buckets of come” still makes me weak in the knees, its just that now it makes me DROP to my knees.

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This post, Natural Cures THEY Do Not Want You to Know About, originally appeared on Minivan Libertine on 03/16/2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email minivanlibertine at gmail dot com and let me know.
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I started the day off with panties, but they were bothering me. So instead of dealing with annoyance all day, I just took them off.

I may be the last person ever to figure [...]]]> Today I am not wearing panties at work. I am wearing a dress and boots, and of course a bra, but no panties.

I started the day off with panties, but they were bothering me. So instead of dealing with annoyance all day, I just took them off.

I may be the last person ever to figure this out, but wow! I feel SO naughty. Everything is just THERE! Wearing boots only adds to the effect, as it just feels so contradictory to be almost fully dressed.

I want to squat down on the floor, pull the dress up, and take pics that show the dress, the boots, and the naked pussy. For ART, people, for ART!

Hmm, now where is that iPhone that now allows me to send MMS pics via txt?

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This post, Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, originally appeared on Minivan Libertine on 02/17/2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email minivanlibertine at gmail dot com and let me know.
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We kiss long and deep. I [...]]]> My husband came home early from work, and the children are elsewhere deeply involved in video games. We start kissing, and I tell him to follow me in the bathroom. I love kissing him while sitting on the counter, so that my tits and pussy are easily accessible for him.

We kiss long and deep. I love to hold his face in my hands while sucking his tongue. It feels so intimate, so close.

He, however, has other, less romantic plans.

He unbuckles his belt, pushes me to my knees and grabs the back of my head and shoves my mouth on his cock. I can barely even suck it, as he is fucking it so hard I am choking. Of course, this makes my pussy wet.

He pulls out to let me breathe, and then rams it back in. When he finally starts to come, he is so deep in my throat that I can feel his balls spasm on my lips and tongue. In fact, he is SO deep, that even though he comes copious amounts, I can’t taste it at all. It goes all the way down my throat and does not even touch my tongue :(

It’s ok though, because tonight, he is going to lick my ass while he fists me. He does not know it yet, but he owes me!

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This post, Mid Morning Delight, originally appeared on Minivan Libertine on 02/12/2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email minivanlibertine at gmail dot com and let me know.
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Sometimes I work [...]]]>

I have always enjoyed being the center of attention, although I pretend differently. I am definitely more than slightly chubby, but still quite vain and want people to notice my pretty face, long legs, and huge, gorgeous tits. I know what looks good on me, and work it as hard as I can.

Sometimes I work it in “unacceptable” places. As a hardcore science fetishist, I often attend lectures and conferences and find it nearly impossible for me not to sexualize the speaker. Although this habit comes in handy during boring lectures, it can pose a slight problem when I am trying to pay attention to the WORDS coming out of his mouth.

I find myself crossing my legs frequently, and even putting my fingers in my mouth as I imagine hearing the sound of his zipper coming down, and the smell of his cock in my face. Soon, I start thinking about what could happen and can smell my pussy getting wetter from the ideas . . .

I imagine that after the lecture, the speaker invites several of us back to his house. Everyone has a splendid time, and we discuss many wonderfully important things in extremely bright witty ways. I excuse myself to go to the restroom, and after I piss, I put my fingers in my pussy and notice how wet and warm it is. I have been flirting with the speaker all night, and it has gotten to me. I go to wash my hands, but stop. Instead, I smile at my reflection and rub my pussy soaked hands all over my cleavage, my neck, and my hair. I want him to smell my need for his cock. I check my makeup, pinch my nipples to make them stand out, and go back to the party to try to get him alone.

When I come back to the party, I notice how some of the people have left. In fact, all of the couples have left, and I notice that it is just me, the speaker, and about four other men. I don’t want to appear too forward, so I go to the kitchen to get a drink and hope he will follow me in. He takes the bait, and comes up behind me, so that his face is right in my hair. I hope he will breathe deeply, and he does. He chuckles, and then smells it again. I prepare to say something flirty, but he puts his hand in my hair and pulls my head to the side. He licks the nape of my neck, and I find myself struggling to maintain my composure. He takes the other hand, and reaches up my dress, where he finds that I am not wearing panties.

“I win! I knew she wasn’t wearing panties!”  I hear him say, and I am shocked. He is calling out to the other men at the party, who come quickly to the kitchen.

“Her entire body smells like sex, I can taste it on her neck.  And look at that hairy cunt.”

At this point he pushes my head down, bends me over, and kicks my legs apart with his so that my naked ass and pussy are on display. He takes my hands and puts them on the cold granite island countertop, and starts to lick my neck again.

I know that this is starting to get dangerous, but it feels so good to have him kiss my neck. I then feel hands on my ass, and I know it is not his. In an instant, I decide to close my eyes and go with it. I remind myself that this is just playing, and that I can stop at any time I want. Or so I think.

The hands rub all up and down my ass, and a finger traces down from the small of my back, through my ass crack, and stops just at the opening of my pussy. The finger goes around and around the opening, but never goes in. Finally it starts to go in, but then just as quickly pulls out and heads up to the clit. When he finally touches it, I get even wetter, and start backing my ass into the finger. The finger becomes two fingers, and then three, until the entire hand is rubbing my pussy and pulling at the pussy hair.

I hear a zipper, and tense up. I brace myself, but it turns out the zipper is in front of me. Eyes still closed, I feel a cock against my cheek. Someone is still holding my hands to the island countertop, so I have no choice but to open my mouth and start sucking.

The cock in my mouth is wide, salty, and uncut. I taste precum and it makes me greedy. I want more and try to pull it further into my mouth. I hear a laugh, and then someone grabs my hair and pulls me onto the cock until it is in my throat.

At the same time, the fingers that were rubbing my pussy have started fucking it. Again, it started with two fingers, but soon I can feel the entire hand in my cunt just pumping and pumping.  I start bucking and moving so that the hand feels like it is coming towards to cock in my throat. At that moment I am nothing but mouth and cunt, and horny for more.

I pull my hands loose from the person holding them down, and pull my head off of the cock. The hand comes out of my vagina, and I open my eyes. All around me I see cock. I can’t remember who is here, I can’t remember who is who, I just want as much cock as possible and I want it now.

I start to get down on my knees to suck the cock to my left, but someone grabs my hair and pulls me out of the kitchen and into the living room. Hands everywhere pull my dress over my head, and rip the bra from my chest. Someone starts kissing me and someone else moves me over to the couch. Before I can get on the couch, one of the men sits down. He is completely naked, but all I can see is his cock. This time, the cock is not as wide, and has a big fat purple cut head. I am picked up and placed on it, and start to fuck this person whose name I can’t even remember.  He starts sucking and biting my nipples, and pulls my ass cheeks open. I feel another cock against my ass and before I can say or think anything, I feel the pop; and my ass opens up to let him in.

I look around and notice the other guys standing around watching, jerking themselves off as they do. I move my head, and motion them over to the couch. I get one guy on each side and put my hands on their cocks. Then the last guy goes to the other side of the couch, and feeds me his cock.

Five cocks, all mine. They don’t see me, they just see a series of holes on a couch, and that is exactly what I want to be. I am getting fucked, and kissed, and fondled, and bitten all over, and I feel like such a slut, such a whore, but I have never been happier.

As if he is reading my mind, the man in my ass leans closer, and growls at me “Now come bitch! Come on these cocks!”

Hearing that pushes me over the edge. My pussy starts to contract and I start riding the cock in my pussy faster and faster, until someone grabs my hips and makes me remain still, as the person behind me slams into my ass. As I come, I can feel the first spurt in my mouth. I start to swallow, and more comes shooting down my throat.

My guttural moans are soon echoed by the two men beside me, and I feel each of them come on my back. The man behind me pulls out of my ass, and lifts me off of the cock I am fucking. He pushes me onto the floor, and he and the man I was just fucking stand over me with their cocks in hand.

“Get up, bitch!” says one of them, and I get on my knees. “Open!” I don’t know what he means, and he smacks me squarely on the face. “Open your goddamn mouth!”

I open my mouth and the one who slapped me comes first. He comes on my lips, my tongue, and my chin. The other man then starts to come, but comes all over my tits instead. Without prompting,  I start rubbing all the come into my tits, and bring my hands up to my mouth.

I look around, and recognize all of the men I have just fucked. However, when I look in the mirror across the room, I barely recognize myself. My face is covered in come, my tits are glistening with it, my hair is messed up, and my makeup is all smeared. I am surprised at my appearance, looking like such a dirty come covered slut. More surprisingly though, is the fact that I LIKE what I see.

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This post, Life of the Party, originally appeared on Minivan Libertine on 02/05/2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email minivanlibertine at gmail dot com and let me know.
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I will be attending an event [...]]]> I am someone in a state of sexual flux, full of desires and dreams, but also ever the careful, safe wife and mother. This risk aversion has suited me well in life, as I like to think through every possible outcome of my actions. I am nothing if not responsible.

I will be attending an event at the end of February that will present an opportunity I have long thought about. Although I have always publicly declared I am bisexual (although now I like the term pansexual better), I have also been honest about my limited experience with women. I dated a woman a couple of times, but it never progressed to the physical realm. Now, however, I have someone who is eagerly asking to be that first experience. Who knew at 36 years old it was still possible to be a nervous virgin?

Not only is this person, well – a woman, but she is also the TYPE of woman I have always been attracted to. She is hot, and butch. Oh so butch. Melty butch. But all of that does not even begin to compare to her brain. She is hella smart and is a badass activist in the GLBTQ and BDSM worlds.

If I believed in God, I would say that God literally looked at my checklist, and said OK! Get to it!

Things like this make a person reexamine the source of their sexual confidence. I know men, and guys, you are fairly easy. The penis is not exactly complicated. But women? What in the hell? Not only are we as complicated as quantum physics, but everyone likes different things. OMG! Panic!!!

The nervousness I feel is not related at all to the actual sex with a woman part. I like my vagina, like the way my vagina tastes, and can imagine nothing more exciting than actually sucking my own juices off of her strap-on. But my ego is threatened! What if I get down there, and have no clue what to do? In fact, I am pretty sure that is EXACTLY what will happen. I actually feel a little sorry for heterosexual men after all these years of telling them “how” to have sex. A penis is fairly self-explanatory. Grab it. Kiss it. Stroke it. Suck it. But women have lots and lots and lots of parts. Not just on the outside either.

I know the solution to all of this. I am going to study the Crashpad series and Roulette until my eyes are blurry and my fingers are numb. I am going to get the Ultimate Guide to Oral Sex by Tristan Taormino and study like this was a final in college.

You guys think I am joking. But those of you who REALLY know me, know that I am not.

I WILL be the pussy master!!!

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This post, Putting My Money Where My Mouth Is (and by money I mean a dildo), originally appeared on Minivan Libertine on 01/29/2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email minivanlibertine at gmail dot com and let me know.
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I may eat Hamburger Helper, wear jeans from Costco, and drink water straight from the tap, but when it comes to porn, I’m quite the snob. In fact, I prefer “porn connoisseur,” because it makes me sound classy! (And nothing is classier than a woman who likes to watch people fuck.)

To [...]]]> From Indie to Next-Gen Porn

I may eat Hamburger Helper, wear jeans from Costco, and drink water straight from the tap, but when it comes to porn, I’m quite the snob. In fact, I prefer “porn connoisseur,” because it makes me sound classy! (And nothing is classier than a woman who likes to watch people fuck.)

To read the rest of this article, go to http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/erotica/pornocracy-intro-0129101/

April Flores, Jiz Lee, Dylan Ryan, and Courtney Trouble at 2010 AVN'
Photo by aagblog

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This post, Pornocracy – My New Column for Sexis Magazine, originally appeared on Minivan Libertine on 01/29/2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email minivanlibertine at gmail dot com and let me know.
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2009 is the year where I stopped living according to the default button. I made a decision to actively pursue things I was interested in instead of complaining about how they were impossible. I took responsibility for radical stances I held, and became more vocal about those [...]]]> 2009 was an amazing year for me. Absolutely amazing.

2009 is the year where I stopped living according to the default button. I made a decision to actively pursue things I was interested in instead of complaining about how they were impossible. I took responsibility for radical stances I held, and became more vocal about those stances. Why just yesterday I defended the right to get turned on by the smell of pussy (or balls!) and thought it was sexy when someone sniffed a bicycle seat.

In early 2009, a harmless email flirtation with a long-time crush led me to radically examine my life. ALL areas of my life. For those of you who read this blog and do not know me,  you may think sex is the only thing I care about. However, I care about many more things than my sex life; I care about YOUR sex life!

I began this blog in April of 2009, mainly as a way to express sexuality that was bubbling out of me. I could not harass my husband 24/7, so I began to allow my mind to go where it wanted, and explore the range of my attractions.

As it turns out, I am one kinky mother fucker.

I have discovered a penchant for hearing men orgasm over the phone. In fact, it feels so natural to me that even writing it down makes me think “Well, duh! Who doesn’t?” This year I realized there are many things that seem perfectly normal to me that are in fact, not so normal.

I learned that I loved being fisted, and have a previously “untapped” talent for squirting. I also learned that whereas I have always thought I enjoyed power scenarios in sex scenes in movie, in reality, I am an on my knees, choke me with your cock submissive when it comes to men. Conversely, I also learned that I like the idea of topping women. Or subbing to women. Pretty much women. And me. Together. Naked.

Once I started writing about sex, both here and on Facebook and other places, I began to receive some backlash from people who thought I talked too much about it. But the number of people who really had a problem with it was less than five, and I have received emails and established friendships from five times as many as that who thanked me for my honesty and non-judgmental willingness to listen.

I jokingly call myself the “sexual Johnny Appleseed”, because my curiosity and eagerness has helped others make big steps in their life as well. I validated a cuddly sadist and helped him get the courage to seek play partners. I encouraged a straight man who LOVED butch lesbians to start flirting with them, and to try to develop a taste of taking it up the ass from a strap-on wielding woman, and sure enough, he now has a girlfriend for whom he gladly bends over. I have had sexually explicit conversations with men who are lonely and frustrated with the lack of intimacy in their marriages, and reminded them that they are not creeps or lechs for wanting to fuck the women they love.  I helped a virgin make preparations for losing her virginity, and gave her the kudos she needed for taking control of her sexuality. I have helped people feel they are not alone, whether they have a foot fetish (so harmless!),  an interest in pregnant women, a need to be spanked or a need TO spank, or a desire to explore sex with a same sex partner. The only thing I tend to get antsy about is lying and drama.

And this year had plenty of drama as well. Changing so many of my ideas and practices does not come easy to a person, nor to a marriage. And yet, here we are, a year later, stronger than we have ever been before.

I want to thank so many people for what they have meant to me this year, but of course I can’t do that being anonymous and all. So I will just say this; thanks to all of you who have been on this journey with me, and have shared of yourself with me. But for a few of you, I will call you out publicly.

First and most importantly, to the love of my life, my husband. This was not an easy year for you, and lesser men could not have handled it. You will always be the best and most important thing in my life, and I treasure you.

To the center of the universe, I thank you for showing me that it is ok to be like I am, and that I should take myself and my writing seriously. And continuing to remind me of the dangers of drama :)

To aag, I would not be here without you. Did you ever know that you were my hero? You are the lube beneath my wings!

To my Aussies! You guys are wonderful, and making it DAMN HARD for me not to see the Land of Oz as the most magical place on earth!

To Sir, it was real and it was powerful, and I am thrilled to see you so happy.

To Big Poppa, I can’t wait to meet you, even if it does turn into a High School Musical Party.

To the folks at self serve toys, keep spreading the love and the lube!

And speaking of lube, my year would not have been the same without meeting Tristan and Colten, two pioneers in advancing sex positivity in our culture! You are making art, and your art is making the world a better place.

To the person I was angry with for suggesting a threesome when I thought it was just going to be about us, its ok. We may not work out, but you are still awesome, sexy, and funny.

To the person with whom I acted like a spoiled brat to get you to let me suck your cock and you said no for ethical reasons/time restrains,  its all good. We live and we learn. You will learn that it was a HUGE mistake on your part :) In the meantime, we are still friends.

My goal for 2010 is to continue on this journey by finding the most awesome sex-positive people in the world. Your support and friendship is very powerful.

Oh, and to get Jiz Lee to fall madly in love with me when I meet her at the Feminist Porn Awards in Toronto.

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This post, 2009 – The Year in Review, originally appeared on Minivan Libertine on 12/31/2009. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email minivanlibertine at gmail dot com and let me know.
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Sometimes I forget how fun online sex is. Damn.

10:52pm Me

you would not find it scary

when i crawled to you

and pulled your cock out of your panties

and sucked [...]]]> This chat started when I told a friend of mine online that a man wearing panties can be very hot for a woman. I think I have him convinced.

Sometimes I forget how fun online sex is. Damn.

10:52pm Me

you would not find it scary

when i crawled to you

and pulled your cock out of your panties

and sucked it till you came on the shiny black satin

trust me

10:53pmHim

okay, that is the only situation where it wouldn’t scare me.

Though I don’t know where I would find panties I could put on

10:54pmMe

i would find them

it would be worth it

you could still top the hell out of me

10:54pmHim

It would be tough, they would have to be tailored for me

10:54pmMe

but i really want to suck a man’s cock while he is wearing black panties

no

it would be hotter with your cock hanging out

10:54pmHim

okay, then that would work

10:55pmMe

i would have to start licking through the satin first

till it was wet and shiny

and tasted like your cock

and precum

10:55pmHim

My cock would be hanging out the whole time, I barley fit in tighty whiteys

And they are made for guys

10:56pmMe

hmmm

nice image

i like seeing a hard on through white briefs

10:56pmHim

It is just the strangeness of my size. I’m too big for this little world

10:56pmMe

i could handle it

10:57pmHim

Kind of like your boobs

10:57pmMe

yep

10:57pmHim

I am sure you could

10:57pmMe

a match made for each other

your cock in between my tits

10:57pmHim

Exactly, the only boobs that could wrap around my cock

While you were sucking on it and I was down your throat

10:57pmMe

yep

exactly

you could pinch and pull my nipples

at the same time

10:58pmHim

Make you gag until you cried

pinch them until they are hard and red

10:59pmMe

god i am going to have to get fucked tonight

10:59pmHim

Good for you

I’ll just be spanking it

10:59pmMe

i am not sure i ever need to meet you in person though

you get me really hot

really fast

10:59pmHim

Is that bad?

10:59pmMe

not for me

but maybe for you

11:00pmHim

or me

Not me

It would be fun, wind you up and then send you off

Your husband would love it

11:01pmMe

he would, but i would have to find release then

i could not wait

god i could get off just on you talking to me in the room while i masturbate

11:01pmHim

I could do that, as long as I could watch you

Do you like deep voices?

11:02pmMe

yes

11:02pmHim

Gravely, like someone who has seen too much and can

can’t forget it

11:02pmMe

yep

11:03pmHim

That’s me, you know my cock size isn’t that odd considering my body size, it is proportionate to a 6 and a 1/2 foot tall man

My voice though, is too deep for me, people are surprised if they have only known me on the phone when they meet me in the real world

11:04pmMe

really?

i think i would like it

11:05pmHim

Every time

The other thing is all the women with daddy issues who seem to melt when I talk to them, they are a little creepy

The other ladies are a lot of fun

The ones who like my deep voice, the grey in my hair and the lines around my eyes from squinting into the sun of the great plains

11:07pmMe

thats me

i am a brat

that is for sure

but i am no little girl

11:07pmHim

The ladies who like a long tall man

That

That’s cool, I like a woman

Someone who knows what she likes

11:10pmHim

I remember my first orgasm, I was so surprised that sex could get better, it was my 14th or 15th time to have sex and I finally had a partner who could last long enough for me to cum. I didn’t know what I was missing.

11:10pmMe

wow

that long???

11:10pmHim

I was an ignorant kid

I didn’t know that I wasn’t having orgasm, or for that matter that orgasm existed

11:11pmMe

seriously????

whoa

11:11pmHim

Yep, I was so uninformed

I didn

didn’t know how to masturbate

I was so into that Christian crap back then,

I used to wear my partners out and thought that was all that sex was

I was such an idiot

11:13pmMe

i am sorry – i am still thinking of being worn out by you

just a weekend

of being ordered around by you

and constantly fucked

11:14pmHim

Every hole of you

Make you suck me off before breakfast

Then i would bend you over the table and tell you that you to hold your pussy wide open for me

11:15pmMe

i want it to hurt a little

11:16pmHim

Hammer you hard with my hands wrapped in your hair pulling your head back while I slap your ass with my free hand

Feel my cock head slamming your cervix with each forward thrust

Then I would sit down and you would straddle me and ride me while I sucked and bit your nipples

11:18pmMe

you are making my pussy wet

and my nipples hard

11:18pmHim

When you cum the first through times I would make you lick my cock and balls clean

When they were clean enough to make me happy I would blindfold you and tie you wrists to your ankles so I could fuck you ass hard

I would love every little scream you let out as I thrust into your ass

I would have your giant tits in my hands so I could squeeze them hard, rolling the nipples between my fingers

I would make you beg me to fuck you harder and harder

11:21pmMe

you almost have that right now

11:21pmHim

I wouldn’t even think about cumming until you were crying and begging me to please, please cum inside you

11:23pmHim

Then I would pull myself out of your ass and shove myself into your mouth and down your throat so I could feel your throat spasming around my dick while you are choking and gagging on it

when I felt the first spasm of my orgasm I would pull out and cum all over your face

I would rub it into your skin while I listened to  you pant as you catch your breath

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This post, Men in Panties Make Me Want to Chat, originally appeared on Minivan Libertine on 12/28/2009. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email minivanlibertine at gmail dot com and let me know.
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