2009 - The Year in Review

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2009 was an amazing year for me. Absolutely amazing.

2009 is the year where I stopped living according to the default button. I made a decision to actively pursue things I was interested in instead of complaining about how they were impossible. I took responsibility for radical stances I held, and became more vocal about those stances. Why just yesterday I defended the right to get turned on by the smell of pussy (or balls!) and thought it was sexy when someone sniffed a bicycle seat.

In early 2009, a harmless email flirtation with a long-time crush led me to radically examine my life. ALL areas of my life. For those of you who read this blog and do not know me,  you may think sex is the only thing I care about. However, I care about many more things than my sex life; I care about YOUR sex life!

I began this blog in April of 2009, mainly as a way to express sexuality that was bubbling out of me. I could not harass my husband 24/7, so I began to allow my mind to go where it wanted, and explore the range of my attractions.

As it turns out, I am one kinky mother fucker.

I have discovered a penchant for hearing men orgasm over the phone. In fact, it feels so natural to me that even writing it down makes me think “Well, duh! Who doesn’t?” This year I realized there are many things that seem perfectly normal to me that are in fact, not so normal.

I learned that I loved being fisted, and have a previously “untapped” talent for squirting. I also learned that whereas I have always thought I enjoyed power scenarios in sex scenes in movie, in reality, I am an on my knees, choke me with your cock submissive when it comes to men. Conversely, I also learned that I like the idea of topping women. Or subbing to women. Pretty much women. And me. Together. Naked.

Once I started writing about sex, both here and on Facebook and other places, I began to receive some backlash from people who thought I talked too much about it. But the number of people who really had a problem with it was less than five, and I have received emails and established friendships from five times as many as that who thanked me for my honesty and non-judgmental willingness to listen.

I jokingly call myself the “sexual Johnny Appleseed”, because my curiosity and eagerness has helped others make big steps in their life as well. I validated a cuddly sadist and helped him get the courage to seek play partners. I encouraged a straight man who LOVED butch lesbians to start flirting with them, and to try to develop a taste of taking it up the ass from a strap-on wielding woman, and sure enough, he now has a girlfriend for whom he gladly bends over. I have had sexually explicit conversations with men who are lonely and frustrated with the lack of intimacy in their marriages, and reminded them that they are not creeps or lechs for wanting to fuck the women they love.  I helped a virgin make preparations for losing her virginity, and gave her the kudos she needed for taking control of her sexuality. I have helped people feel they are not alone, whether they have a foot fetish (so harmless!),  an interest in pregnant women, a need to be spanked or a need TO spank, or a desire to explore sex with a same sex partner. The only thing I tend to get antsy about is lying and drama.

And this year had plenty of drama as well. Changing so many of my ideas and practices does not come easy to a person, nor to a marriage. And yet, here we are, a year later, stronger than we have ever been before.

I want to thank so many people for what they have meant to me this year, but of course I can’t do that being anonymous and all. So I will just say this; thanks to all of you who have been on this journey with me, and have shared of yourself with me. But for a few of you, I will call you out publicly.

First and most importantly, to the love of my life, my husband. This was not an easy year for you, and lesser men could not have handled it. You will always be the best and most important thing in my life, and I treasure you.

To the center of the universe, I thank you for showing me that it is ok to be like I am, and that I should take myself and my writing seriously. And continuing to remind me of the dangers of drama :)

To aag, I would not be here without you. Did you ever know that you were my hero? You are the lube beneath my wings!

To my Aussies! You guys are wonderful, and making it DAMN HARD for me not to see the Land of Oz as the most magical place on earth!

To Sir, it was real and it was powerful, and I am thrilled to see you so happy.

To Big Poppa, I can’t wait to meet you, even if it does turn into a High School Musical Party.

To the folks at self serve toys, keep spreading the love and the lube!

And speaking of lube, my year would not have been the same without meeting Tristan and Colten, two pioneers in advancing sex positivity in our culture! You are making art, and your art is making the world a better place.

To the person I was angry with for suggesting a threesome when I thought it was just going to be about us, its ok. We may not work out, but you are still awesome, sexy, and funny.

To the person with whom I acted like a spoiled brat to get you to let me suck your cock and you said no for ethical reasons/time restrains,  its all good. We live and we learn. You will learn that it was a HUGE mistake on your part :) In the meantime, we are still friends.

My goal for 2010 is to continue on this journey by finding the most awesome sex-positive people in the world. Your support and friendship is very powerful.

Oh, and to get Jiz Lee to fall madly in love with me when I meet her at the Feminist Porn Awards in Toronto.