I am someone in a state of sexual flux, full of desires and dreams, but also ever the careful, safe wife and mother. This risk aversion has suited me well in life, as I like to think through every possible outcome of my actions. I am nothing if not responsible.
I will be attending an event at the end of February that will present an opportunity I have long thought about. Although I have always publicly declared I am bisexual (although now I like the term pansexual better), I have also been honest about my limited experience with women. I dated a woman a couple of times, but it never progressed to the physical realm. Now, however, I have someone who is eagerly asking to be that first experience. Who knew at 36 years old it was still possible to be a nervous virgin?
Not only is this person, well – a woman, but she is also the TYPE of woman I have always been attracted to. She is hot, and butch. Oh so butch. Melty butch. But all of that does not even begin to compare to her brain. She is hella smart and is a badass activist in the GLBTQ and BDSM worlds.
If I believed in God, I would say that God literally looked at my checklist, and said OK! Get to it!
Things like this make a person reexamine the source of their sexual confidence. I know men, and guys, you are fairly easy. The penis is not exactly complicated. But women? What in the hell? Not only are we as complicated as quantum physics, but everyone likes different things. OMG! Panic!!!
The nervousness I feel is not related at all to the actual sex with a woman part. I like my vagina, like the way my vagina tastes, and can imagine nothing more exciting than actually sucking my own juices off of her strap-on. But my ego is threatened! What if I get down there, and have no clue what to do? In fact, I am pretty sure that is EXACTLY what will happen. I actually feel a little sorry for heterosexual men after all these years of telling them “how” to have sex. A penis is fairly self-explanatory. Grab it. Kiss it. Stroke it. Suck it. But women have lots and lots and lots of parts. Not just on the outside either.
I know the solution to all of this. I am going to study the Crashpad series and Roulette until my eyes are blurry and my fingers are numb. I am going to get the Ultimate Guide to Oral Sex by Tristan Taormino and study like this was a final in college.
You guys think I am joking. But those of you who REALLY know me, know that I am not.
I WILL be the pussy master!!!
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